I failed.

The person I was and part of the person I am has failed. On multiple levels to multiple people I have failed. I failed my teachers by not wanting to learn. I failed my mother by not wanting to listen. I failed my daughter by not putting her first. I failed my wife by my unwillingness to change. But most of all I failed myself.

For many years, for many reasons, I wanted to be a better person. A better person for my friends, my family, the world, but most of all for myself. For the past 15 years I have failed in making any substantially good changes to myself. I have more bad habits than good. I do more things that won't help then will.

Why am I like this? I can't say...but to those concerned and especially to myself, I will do better. I choose to become better. I choose to show how much I love living but helping myself and others love living too.

I have a serious dislike of overstated statements, but I haven't any other way to say it. It is easier said then done...but it's also how we say it and to whom we say it, that will make a difference. I'm fairly confident I am the only person reading these logs right now,so I'm saying this to myself; for it is I who needs to hear this the most.

My will to live and become better for myself is finally being put into action...won't you come join me?

What?!

What words are the best to use for an opening? What is most appealing that will keep the readers reading? These and dozens of other questions I have to examine as I am trying to write more than just blog posts.

I've found my thoughts aren't so random since I've been reading everything in sight.
Maybe it's the fact my brain is now working overtime to commit all these things to memory.Maybe it's true that idle hands are evil hands,for without having time to do nothing,I've found doing something helps clear my mind.

Really,I'm writing about nothing,but with purpose to make the proceeding writings about something.I doubt a multitude of people,if any, will ever read this,but it helps to commit it to more than just the mind.

We modern day writers truly have the best and worst tools at our disposable.
To use and old and overused metaphor:Computers are the modern day double edge swords for writers.

We can reach the entire world seconds after we commit our thoughts to virtual paper,but so is everyone else.I fear many a good thought and prescription have been lost with the over abundance of articles,posts,and blogs.

So without further indulging myself in constructive nothingness,I bid myself adieu.

I'm born again!

No, not from a religion, from myself. I've finally awaken to the reality of my true existence. In which I don't question why I am here but I question what have I done and what can I do.

Finally understand what it means to think outside the box.
THERE IS NO FUC?K?ING box! To trap yourself and your mind by any preset notion is going against our primal reason of existence, to survive!

Regardless of the outcome, I shall hence force speak of what I wish without concerning myself with pre-consceptions of potential problems.
This does not mean running into every church I see and calling them liars or going to a police station and calling them useless. For those things would be detetrimental to my being.I will continue to learn, in the fashion which suits me best, and continue to progress and change as a human and as a life on earth.
This I encourage of all us, to not let anything hinder your potential while understanding the connection with the matter around you.

This is simple and I should already know this but I'm still alive so positive change is still possible.
I will not believe what I see,hear,and read unless I prove it to myself so.

My name is Matt, I am a human of Earth and I look forward to my future.

Communication is key!

All powerful is the man who can move mountains with words.

The masses have and will follow those who can culminate life into inspiring speeches that are written throughout history.

So we can lead nations into battle, yet man can't get the kids to stop hitting each other or the wife to let his Sunday be a peaceful one.

All those people and stages wishing for World Peace...World Peace? That's easy how about some home peace? That's the miracle right there

Reality Sucks

To be scripted or to not be scripted!
That is the question I pose to anyone willing to answer.
The influx of "reality" T.V. shows the past years is expanding at an alarming rate. At least an alarm goes off in my mind, a person who doesn't need to turn on the television to see reality.
Let's not get specific at what bothers whom or what "shows" are liked and disliked.
I'm not an accomplished television producer nor a historian of this subject.
But using common sense I would like to think it's design was to entertain.
Of course this definition has changed over the years with satellite feeds connecting the entire world.
However, the roots of success or purpose still relates to entertaining the masses.
This is obvious I know, for a show, series, program won't last long if no one is watching.
I suppose the lack of ideas or perhaps a new outlook on the idea invoked reality T.V. as we now view it.
BUT what constitutes reality? What truly is REAL and UNSCRIPTED?
I thought reality is what I do every day and television along with my dreams were fantasy.
It looks like television executives don't agree me. Anything and everything that they can put a camera on and get people to watch, they will air.
I'll be the first to admit to be sucked into watching "reality T.V." when my time actually in reality was more relevant and entertaining.
I'm obviously no current or former celebrity and haven't had a televised camera exposure.
But personally I don't see how I can be myself when you stick a camera on me.
Do I want the world to see me pick my nose or masturbate? Would you?
Who could honestly be the same as they are now when anyone who wanted to watch could do so?
I don't even do things around my own family let alone the world at large.
Sure anything for T.V. right? But I'm not buying lies.

Sorry FOX but I don't need to turn to your channel to see reality, I live it with every breath.

I could continue writing this until my reality ended, but instead I'll use that time to ensure my reality is really what I am.